Since we don't have anything new or exciting to share in regards to our adoption I am choosing to use this quiet time as a gift to just "be still and know that He is God". ---Psalm 46:10. Now, this is very difficult for me to do because I have a terrible habit of needing...wanting...demanding to know what the next step is and what is coming around the corner. However, when I really sit back and think about what it means to TRUST God, it means the exact opposite.
Merriam Webster's definition of the word trust is, "assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something; one in which confidence is placed."
My constant desire to know what God's next move is actually me not fully trusting God and His perfect plans for my life. The truth of it is, in our culture, how often have we really had to TRUST God? I mean really trust Him. For most of us (me included) we can say we're trusting God, but in reality we're pretty good at being self-sufficient. Our cupboards and freezers are fully stocked with a variety of foods to last us way beyond a few weeks of no trips to the grocery store. Our closets are over-flowing with clothing options. Our homes function more as entertainment centers (full of toys and electronic gadgets) rather than a shelter to keep us warm in the winter and cool in the summer. What I'm trying to get at is that although God has given us all jobs that enable us to have these luxuries-we have them in excess. And because all of these things are at our fingertips whenever we want, we've excessed our way out of relying on God for life's necessities.
I think that's why I am struggling with trust right now. Because when I think back on how many times I have actually had to blindly trust God when things are out of my control.....those times are really very few. I am really good at playing tug-of-war with God when it comes to control----constantly pulling back against Him, so that I feel more in control. So, I am choosing to be thankful for this time of uncertainty and unpredictability because it is causing me to exercise my TRUST in our Heavenly Father.
Proverbs 3:5-6 keeps coming to mind,
"TRUST in the Lord with ALL your heart, on your own intelligence DO NO RELY; In ALL your ways be mindful of him, and he will MAKE STRAIGHT YOUR PATHS."
I mean, let's be real, whose intelligence is it better to rely on---mine or God's? I think the answer is pretty obvious!!
