Seeds planted and watered over time

****My apologies in advance for the length of this....I wanted to make sure I documented all that God has done in our lives to lead us to this point before I forgot the details :) ****

As I look back on this past year, I can see God's hand all over it.  I see His fingerprints on the hearts of my children and husband.  The way our vision and plan for our lives has been completely turned upside down can only be attributed to God.

Looking back, we were very proud of the fact that we were "young" parents and that we had cranked out 4 kids within a matter of 5 1/2 years.  We thought we were SET!!  We were DONE....the kids could grow....we could take them on nice vacations....we could remodel the house....maybe even put in that outdoor kitchen that Ben had been dreaming of!  Our vision was set on living a comfortable life and acquiring the financial success necessary so that we could retire early, relax and live the good life!

Don't get me wrong~NONE of these things are inherently wrong!  No, no!  What was wrong (for us) was that WE were pushing aside our convictions from God in regards to our purpose on earth and how to utilize our blessings.  We were so focused on our comforts being met and living the life WE dreamed of and planned--we weren't taking into true consideration where God wanted us, how He wanted us to be living, and how He wanted to use us, as ordinary and everyday as we were!    

This whole journey towards adoption began back in October of 2010 when I heard MaryBeth Chapman (married to Christian music artist, Steven Curtis Chapman) speak at a Women of Faith conference.  She spoke about her family and their journey and briefly discussed how God had called them to open the hearts to adopting from China.  After the conference, I purchased her book, which described more about their adoption process and something stirred within me.  A seed was planted.

My curiosity grew, but I wasn't actively looking into adoption at this point....I mean, I was just about to give birth to our son, Grady-our fourth and "final" child!!  Seriously, I thought anyone that had more than 4 children was absolutely crazy or at least much more organized than myself!

It was about this time that I began to hear more about a friend of mine that was growing her family through an adoption from Ethiopia.  She was bold in speaking up for the orphaned and often shared her thoughts via her blog or through scripture or video postings.  I truly believe that God used her to plant some more seeds and begin watering.

I also began to dig into the Word more and God used that time to speak His truth to me.  I began feeling  convicted in certain areas of my life and started hungering for a life with eternal purpose.  I thirsted for a life that was not centered around me and my desires as much as it was centered around Jesus and how He could use me-average me-ordinary me-sinful me-flawed me-willing me to be His hands and feet here on earth.  I began to understand that each of us was put here on earth for a very unique reason and that we all had purpose.  My eyes were opened to extreme poverty, sadness, brokenness, and hunger in the world.  I realized that the only way for Jesus' presence to be known on this earth was for hearts to be willing to step out in faith--step out of that comfort-zone and into the unknown--trusting God every step of the way.

It was in April of 2011 that I brought up the topic of international adoption to Ben.  And surprisingly (remember-we have a 4 month old at this point) he said he thought it was a "neat thing" and that he'd be "open" to it someday.  An open heart---that's where it all began!  Fresh, fertile soil in which God began to work over, plant seeds, and water.

After that conversation, we danced around the topic from time to time and I began to pray about it more and that God would reveal His plan for us more clearly.  I prayed that He would lay it on Ben's heart as well if that was His will.  I also began asking that He would begin to soften and prepare our children's hearts for adoption.

In June of 2011, I traveled to Virginia for ultrasound training through my job and I was given the gift of time ALONE with the Lord to really discern some things.  It was such an amazingly peaceful time....no kids, no work, no meal preparing/planning-just being surrounded by other like-minded people that love the Lord and serve Him through working at crisis pregnancy centers around the U.S!!

During one of my quiet outings I stumbled upon a cute little shop called Under the Mango Tree that was owned by a sweet, older woman.  I couldn't help but notice that most things in her shop were handmade by various people and that many of the items had scripture on them or spoke of FAITH and TRUST.  After visiting with her for some time, I learned that all of the items she sold were to benefit those in need around the world.  We had a sweet conversation about American wealth, world poverty, orphans, widows, and what we are to do with the abundance of blessings that God has bestowed on us.  By the end of our conversation we were both in tears--totally 100% recognizing that God had made our paths cross that day and that we had both been a much needed blessing to each other!  She then instructed me to stop back at her little shop tomorrow during my lunch break because she had a book that she wanted me to read.  I agreed and the next day she handed me the book Radical, by David Platt.  
Reading that book opened my eyes to so much and made me even more "on fire" for wanting to change the way we were living and step-out in faith.  I felt God nudging me to go on a mission trip to Africa, but I still needed some convincing.

About mid-summer a vey dear friend of mine went on a 2 week mission trip to Uganda and returned with her heart broken for what she saw and experienced.  She shared so many amazing stories about her time there and about the various ministries that she worked with--giving all the glory to God for enabling her to GO, serve, and share to love of Christ.  I witnessed the faith and trust that it took for her to go to Africa and obediently follow where God was leading her.

By fall of 2011 and after significant prayer, discussion, and research, Ben and I signed up to go on a mission trip to Kenya and Uganda at the end of the year.  I knew in my heart this was something the Holy Spirit was nudging me to do, but I also wanted to experience this with my husband.  I felt that it was important that we both experience and witness the same thing, so that we could both return home on the same page.  Thankfully, God was also working on Ben's heart, and he was more than ready and willing to go--feeling those same convictions.

We also joined a couples small group in the fall and the book we began studying together was Radical--the very catalyst that got my wheels turning!  What a blessing this amazing group of people have been in our lives!!  God sure knew what He was doing in connecting us to them.  We challenge each other, hold each other accountable, and love each other all while studying God's word and sharing some amazing home-cooked meals together!  God is good!!

In October of 2011, the ministry of 60 Feet came to Grand Forks to show a documentary film about the imprisoned children of Uganda.  Again, God completely broke our hearts for the orphaned, oppressed, and suffering children in Africa.  He also used this time to connect us with some now very special people in our lives--the founders of this ministry.  They (Scott, Dan, Gary, Judd, and David), and their wives, have taught us so much about what it looks like to really serve, really love, and really trust.  This amazing, Godly group of people and the ministry they work with is worthy of it's own blog post some time.

December FINALLY came and we left our 4 children at home-along with a very detailed calendar of what family member was watching them on which day-and departed for Africa.
Again, our time spent serving there is completely worthy of it's own post....so I'll leave the details for then.  The one thing I will say is that Africa affected us waaaay more than we affected Africa!  Extremely humbling!

Upon our return home we were both surprised that we did NOT feel strongly that it was the right time to adopt.  We assumed that we would come home with an intense desire to bring a child home and provide a forever family, but we both felt like we needed more time.  Time to pray and discern where God was leading us.

We experienced ANOTHER amazing, spirit-filled weekend in Atlanta in February with our fellow small groupies.  Sixty Feet was premiering their 2nd documentary film about the status of the children's prisons in Uganda and the work God was doing through their ministry.  To say that God showed up would be an understatement!  He is doing mighty things through this ministry!

In March of 2012, Ben and his cousin/best friend, Joe, left again for Uganda on a mission trip with Visiting Orphans.  This trip was unique in that it's purpose was primarily serving the ministry of 60 Feet and the imprisoned children.  Let me just say, that this is when I knew that God really had a hold of Ben's heart and that he was breaking it for the orphans of the world.  Ben would be the first to admit that in the past he was always dreaming up where we'd take our next vacation and what kind of hotel we'd stay in.  To watch God change the desires of his heart and make them outward has been beautiful!  I'm not saying he was overly selfish before, but now there was something obviously different about his priorities, his thinking, and his loving.  It was no longer about him, but Him!

As we continued to pray about adoption together as a couple and individually, I could feel an intense desire growing, but I was hesitant to share it with Ben right away for fear that he would say that the time is not right.  From every angle that I looked at adoption I could see that God had provided for us in such a way that it would be selfish and disobedient of us not to adopt.  We love God and believe in what His word says about speaking up for, caring for, and loving the orphaned and oppressed.  We have a tremendous support system of family and friends.  We belong to an amazing and supportive church/school.  We have a strong marriage centered on Christ.  We have 4 healthy and loving children.  We have financial stability.  We have made connections with others whom have adopted.  We are pro-life~not just the lives of the unborn, but the lives of the born that are abandoned and abused.  Again--all of these things, health, stability, and support are gifts from God meant not just for us, but for others!  Suddenly, any excuse or reason I could come up with against adopting seemed unworthy and selfish!
I decided to finally truly share my heart with Ben over dinner one date-night in early April and spilled everything I felt God was lining up in our lives to make this possible and necessary.  He sat quietly and agreed with what I was saying and we ended our conversation with the conclusion that more prayer was needed.

Apparently he had been spending some serious time with the Lord because on our 9 year anniversary on May 17th I opened the sweetest card from him.  In it he wrote about our future and of letting God be in control.  (Now, for those of you that know me well,  I often wear a special necklace with 4 silver discs engraved with each of our 4 children's names.)  Taped to the bottom of the card was a shiny, blank, silver disc with these words written next it, "This is my answer".   That small seed that had been planted back in October of 2010 and continuously watered throughout 2011, was finally sprouting it's first bit of green life from the ground in our our hearts that God had so carefully worked over!  He is so good and His ways far exceed our own!