Remember in that first post when I said that we expected to face some bumps during this process?? Well.......we have hit our first real bump...and you can find it on me!!
To say we were surprised would be an understatement! Upon finding out we were pregnant, we experienced a whole series of emotions from confusion, sadness, anger, disappointment, and loss. I know that sounds crazy, but you must understand that we were so focused on our adoption path that this unexpected fifth pregnancy made all of those adoption hopes and dreams come to a screeching halt. A good friend of mine put it into perspective as we were grieving the loss of Baby Burundi--she said that it was normal to feel that way and compared it somewhat to the feelings of loss and grief one experiences with a miscarriage. We had been praying/dreaming/talking about this child for quite some time and now God was re-routing our path. But when we really thought about it...what a gift...loss wrapped in life.
As we journeyed through our emotions, we felt God pouring out His peace and love. It wasn't for us to understand the why of it all. Why we started the process only to have it stopped so suddenly. Why God wouldn't want us to adopt a child that needed a family. Trusting that we're going to look back on this time and see so clearly why God re-directed our path. Trusting that this is all going to make sense and that he has an even better plan for our family.
On a positive side---we are extremely humbled, blessed, and thankful for this newest little life God has entrusted to us. It just took us a good week or so to wrap our brains around the reality that I was really pregnant!! We are now full of excitement and anticipation at what God has in our future! ALL life is precious and we hope you can understand where our mixed feelings came from at the beginning. This whole experience has really taught us a lot about trusting God when life doesn't make much sense.
So, what does this mean for our adoption, you ask?? Well, according to our agency policy we had to close our file for Baby Burundi and we have the option of resuming once our youngest child is one year old. This does NOT mean that we have closed the book on adopting. We feel that God has laid this on our hearts for a reason and so we are using this time as a gift to really pray, discern, and research where God is leading us. Perhaps Burundi was just not where God has our child? Maybe He is just saying, "slow down"? What we do know is that we are completely at peace with this redirection. His plan will be revealed in time.
As far as those of you that have supported us through the purchase of OH or Wild Olive gear....those purchases were not for nothing. Not only did you support a couple of amazing non-profit organizations that give back, but by wearing those shirts you will be raising awareness of the needs of the orphaned....and we THANK YOU for that!! So much awareness needs to be raised......so please, continue to wear those shirts proudly!! We plan to gift our OH funds to an awesome Grand Forks family, The Adams, who are adopting from Uganda and also fundraising through OH. To follow their journey visit their blog @ www.walkinghumblyinlove.blogspot.com. We plan to gift our Wild Olive funds to another adoptive family as well and again we can't thank you enough for your kind words and prayers of support and encouragement throughout all of this.
Oh, and baby Horken #5 is due around April 6th! :)
Monday, September 10, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Sixty Feet
Last winter on our mission trip to Uganda I experienced something that shook me to the core and affected me in such a way that I want everyone to know and be aware of the immense suffering and injustice that is happening to children, God's children, in Uganda.
I personally invite you to come and learn about the ministry of Sixty Feet as two of their founders share a documentary film about what this ministry is doing to improve the lives and restore hope, in the name of Jesus, to the imprisoned children of Africa. The work that God is doing through these ordinary men and women is nothing short of amazing!
The things I saw, experienced, and felt while working with this ministry will forever be etched into my mind and heart. Holding a too small for her age 18 month old in my arms that has been "imprisoned"for almost a year....feeling the smooth, raised areas of burn scars that covered her little body....wondering what could have happened that would have caused those scars and what kind of "scars" is she holding onto from within.
Just sitting with this little one as she melted onto my body and rested her little head on my shoulder. Allowing her to lay on me for a couple of hours, knowing that it's been far too long since she's felt a mothers love. Feeding this precious, emotionless child her posho and beans with my bare hands while sitting on the concrete floor surrounded by far too many other children. Again, letting this same sweet child sleep longer in my arms once finished with her meal. I almost couldn't let my thoughts run free for fear that I would break down sobbing.
As our team leader said it was time to say our good-byes to the children, I looked around to see who would take my spot in holding this perfect little girl as she slept so soundly. It was then that I realized that once we left-so did all of the available and eager arms to embrace these children and tell them how loved they are. Reality hit when not only was there no one to hold this child, but there was nowhere to lay her down to sleep. I felt a lump forming in my throat when a child, no older than 8, was instructed by one of the far to few caretakers to take the child from my arms and lay her down with the others. I knew what this meant as I walked away....she was not being taken to a cozy crib to sleep...no...no...she was laid in the corner of the room in which we ate, on a cold, concrete floor along with about 5 other children her age all slumped together. As a mother, my heart broke! The thought that this was daily life for these children! Naked little bottoms exposed, wearing only rags of clothing on top and sleeping on a concrete floor....unimaginable!
This place is only one of several places like it in Uganda where children are often wrongfully "imprisoned", abandoned, and forgotten. Sixty Feet is working to remove the most vulnerable children, restore hope, share and show the love of Christ, provide clean water, sanitation, medicine, and provide educational opportunities.
Come. Listen. Learn. And see for yourself how ordinary people can make an extra-ordinary difference for God's kingdom! We'd love to see you there!
For more information on Sixty Feet visit: www.sixtyfeet.org
I personally invite you to come and learn about the ministry of Sixty Feet as two of their founders share a documentary film about what this ministry is doing to improve the lives and restore hope, in the name of Jesus, to the imprisoned children of Africa. The work that God is doing through these ordinary men and women is nothing short of amazing!
WHAT: Showing of the 60 Feet film, Beloved
WHERE: Hope Church Grand Forks, ND
WHEN: Sunday, September 16th at 7:30pm
(childcare available)
Open to the public
The things I saw, experienced, and felt while working with this ministry will forever be etched into my mind and heart. Holding a too small for her age 18 month old in my arms that has been "imprisoned"for almost a year....feeling the smooth, raised areas of burn scars that covered her little body....wondering what could have happened that would have caused those scars and what kind of "scars" is she holding onto from within.
Just sitting with this little one as she melted onto my body and rested her little head on my shoulder. Allowing her to lay on me for a couple of hours, knowing that it's been far too long since she's felt a mothers love. Feeding this precious, emotionless child her posho and beans with my bare hands while sitting on the concrete floor surrounded by far too many other children. Again, letting this same sweet child sleep longer in my arms once finished with her meal. I almost couldn't let my thoughts run free for fear that I would break down sobbing.
As our team leader said it was time to say our good-byes to the children, I looked around to see who would take my spot in holding this perfect little girl as she slept so soundly. It was then that I realized that once we left-so did all of the available and eager arms to embrace these children and tell them how loved they are. Reality hit when not only was there no one to hold this child, but there was nowhere to lay her down to sleep. I felt a lump forming in my throat when a child, no older than 8, was instructed by one of the far to few caretakers to take the child from my arms and lay her down with the others. I knew what this meant as I walked away....she was not being taken to a cozy crib to sleep...no...no...she was laid in the corner of the room in which we ate, on a cold, concrete floor along with about 5 other children her age all slumped together. As a mother, my heart broke! The thought that this was daily life for these children! Naked little bottoms exposed, wearing only rags of clothing on top and sleeping on a concrete floor....unimaginable!
This place is only one of several places like it in Uganda where children are often wrongfully "imprisoned", abandoned, and forgotten. Sixty Feet is working to remove the most vulnerable children, restore hope, share and show the love of Christ, provide clean water, sanitation, medicine, and provide educational opportunities.
Come. Listen. Learn. And see for yourself how ordinary people can make an extra-ordinary difference for God's kingdom! We'd love to see you there!
For more information on Sixty Feet visit: www.sixtyfeet.org
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